i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
