That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
