Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
