i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
