Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
