if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
