At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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