Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My underwear smells like fireworks.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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