just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
