Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
