And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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