I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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