bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
