is your mom at the bar?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize