yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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