wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
