he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
