Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
