does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
