Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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