i think my tv is drunk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
