can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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