I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
