Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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