we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
