just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize