i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
