it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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