Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
