2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
