cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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