He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
