Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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