i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
