At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm always down for nudity.
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