So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
