how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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