You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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