I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
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Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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