it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
