just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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