Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
