well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
