im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
