So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Small penises have feelings too.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
