lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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