No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What a dumb baby whore.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
