Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
