she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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