yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
