I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
