i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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