shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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