Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
