so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize