a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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