No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
