Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
