I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
