i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
